Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Gospel according to Trout

[This is an email exchange with a long-time dear friend, used with his permission]

Trout -
Was just strolling down memory lane and playing ball at the YMCA. Man I must have played there 2000 times but it seems like with all my routine visits, I can recall a time or 2 when everything just seemed "off". Like it was totally a different place on these isolated incidents, and then magically turned into the old place I knew and loved.
Do you remember when you first moved in to the house on Basswood? Do you remember how new everything seemed and smelled, the back deck and all those trees, the mud outside from the recent construction? Everything had its place in time and evolved to how you perceive it now in the present. Of course things changed, you are bigger now and things get replaced, painted, restructured and remodeled. And you grow accustomed to these changes.
My point is, this is all NORMAL because of the long duration of time, and things always change. But can they (realities) change one day and go back the next?
My experience that day at the Y that seemed so different wasn't due to any major overnight change or physical progression of the building itself. Everything just seemed different one day, and then back to normal the next day. The fact that it was an overcast and rainy day should not have made any difference ; I surely had entered the building during a day similar over 50 times. I remember all the people playing ball were the same as usual, the day of week didn't matter because I went any day of the week.
I am stupefied by this. It has to be that my subconscious mind was picking up on environmental keys that my conscious mind could not.
Sorry if you didn't understand clear enough, but I've thought about that day since I was 11 or 12 years old and how the memory did not seem to fit or get stored like the rest of the "normal" ones.

Me -
I think that I know what you mean. There are so many variables that may have contributed to such an "off" experience in such a familiar place. It could have had something to do with the kind of food that you had been eating for the few days before or a certain combination of foods you ate together for lunch or like a less than adequate night of sleep. All of the above may have something to do with an unusual chemical output from your brain at that time and the spacial properties of the Y at that given time had exaggerated things. It is interesting when things like that happen.
It is totally different to move around a bit, as I have. Things (surroundings) are not allowed the time necessary to get used to an acclimated to the perpetual change of things. It's like that trip to the Y every time I come back to Chapel Hill. Things are so familiar but then again, almost nothing is familiar. The most drastic example that I can think of right now is the Cedar Store. I nearly fell over when I saw its remodelling job. Weird.
I like how you described it as that it was something that your subconscious was picking up on that your conscious mind was unable. I believe that is the case pretty much all of the time. Meditation is a way to cultivate a more keen consciousness which more closely blends with the sub during waking hours.
Speaking of the Cedar Store:
An incident that happened to me came to mind when I read your email. I went into the Cedar Store, I believe that I was with E.P. but he was out in his Volvo. After I paid I was walking towards the door and a woman came through the door. A middle age business type woman. She was in a hurry and completely self absorbed, hardly noticed me. As soon as my eyes set on her, I understood her. I mean I saw her as a child, through adolescence and adulthood to present day. I understood the social conditioning that created this person. I pitied her to a large degree. It was really strange. Now that I think about it, it could have happened at Wilco.
Thanks for the philosophy Trout.

Trout -
Whatup BIGGS?
This is a crazy explanation out of left field for how that day got sculpted askew in my memory : what if the conditions that day where PERFECT for a tornado in Chapel Hill, and we just missed having one by coincidence or chance. I know that sounds a little obscure, but those days are freaky... and highly irregular barometric pressures could theoretically by something noted and also remembered exclusively in the subconscious.

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